This past two weeks has been crazy! Starting with last Monday... It started out as such a great day and the more the day went on the more discouraged I was beginning to feel. Discouraged about my major and about just life in general. I called my dad up to try and just shake this gut wrenching feeling that kept getting stronger. As usual... He brought me to tears... In a good way I suppose! The week went on and I just did my best to keep my head above the emotions I was feeling. My mom came up and took me grocery shopping and helped me clean the dorm. Now we may not get along all the time but I sure appreciate what she does and has done for me. Anyway, after three days of just discouragement and sadness Thursday came which meant, it was time for another organ lesson with Brother Kerr. I was not looking forward to this organ lesson. Not because I was ill prepared but because I did not believe in myself. I tried to act like nothing was bothering me and honestly, I don't think Brother Kerr even noticed anything. It was at the end of the lesson as he began to tell me what a great job I was doing that I started to relax and believe in myself a little more. We talked for a good fifteen minutes about the struggle I was having with believing I could do something this hard. He told me he believed in me and that he believed I had what it takes. It was a very encouraging moment and completely changed my outlook on the situation. As the week went on one thing after another kept coming up and causing me to be upset or sad. It wasn't until just today as I was looking back on it that in those moments when I was the lowest I've felt in quite a while... God still was aware of me. He knows me and my struggles. He loves me and even when I'm naive enough to think He's not there, He never leaves. He carries me when I'm too weak to carry on. He gives me opportunities to grow and knows that I'm not perfect. He accepts who I am and died for me. People too often say that God does not answer your prayers or that he isn't giving you what you need. This is not true in the slightest. God hears and answers every prayer even if it is not in the way that you want it to be answered. What God gives to you is what you need. That being said I just want to point out that it says what you NEED.... Not what you WANT. One of my favorite poems is by Eliza M. Hicock. It goes like this....
Prayer
I know not by what methods rare,
But this I know, God answers prayers.
I know that He has given His Word,
Which tells me prayer is always heard,
And will be answered, soon or late,
And so I pray and calmly wait.
I know not if the blessing sought
Will come in just the way I thought;
But leave my prayers with Him alone,
Whose will is wiser than my own,
Assured that He will grant my quest,
Or send some answer far more blest.
This poem has kept me going through a lot of hard times. He sees us and knows what we need. He will get us through if you trust him and take time to see the tender mercies he performs in your life. In a recent letter from a very dear friend whom I had confided in about feeling so alone sometimes wrote back and told me to look up 1 Nephi 21: 14-16. The last verse just hit me, it says, "16. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me." It just hit me... Christ has scars in his palms... For me. He did it all for me. He would never forget me. I just look back on this week and know he heard my prayers and was watching over me. So just know that no matter what you're going through, God is seeing you through it. He is placing people in your path to help you learn and grow. To show his love for you through them. Everything will be OK. Keep telling yourself that and make sure you never forget. God will not forsake you. The only person that can forsake us is ourselves. I've always heard that tough times never last only tough people do. Someone that I met and quickly learned to love had a very catchy phrase that I was told on a daily basis. Whenever things got rocky no matter how big or small she just said... It'll all buff out. To this day I continue to say it because I know she's right. No matter what happens it's for the best and it's what needs to happen. Come what may and love it :) He will always be at your side through thick and thin. I know this because... Well simply because I believe in Christ.
I cannot begin to describe the power this song holds. Just listen. True testimony is in these words.
