I had a very interesting experience yesterday. I was walking to my organ lesson and it's only my second one ever with this teacher. So I'm still a little nervous around him but it's getting better. I get to the Snow building and we start our organ lesson. We start with a little small talk, you know, the usual "we still don't know each other but let's be cordial anyways" awkward conversations. The lesson continues and about halfway through he asks me, "Do you know what Kyrie means?" I look at him and about a thousand thoughts cross my mind. How am I supposed to answer?? I had no idea what it meant! I didn't even know how to pronounce the word until he said it for me! Should I take a guess at what it could mean based on how the piece sounded? No I couldn't do that. There's too many ways that a piece could be interpreted! The chances that I guessed right were too slim and I'd feel so very dumb after that. Should I simply say no and try to spout off facts to still show I had a slight knowledge about something?? That wasn't going to work either. I always hate that when people do it to me so I'm guessing it'd be the same situation for him. So it was settled. I was going to tell him the plain, simple and honest truth. "I don't know", I replied. "Well good!" He exclaimed. "I didn't expect you to!" I was flooded with relief! He then explained that it means Lord have mercy. The lesson went on and he paused looking at me, "Do you know what two voices are the hardest to put together when practicing?" Man! This guy was on a roll! I may not be the brightest crayon in the box but I'm definitely not the dullest! Again I contemplated what my possible reply could be wondering if I dare take another chance and admit I didn't know. I thought for a moment and again I decided on the plain, simple and honest truth. "I have no idea." He looked at me with a smile and asked, "Well what's hardest for you?" "Well the tenor and alto in this piece but I'm guessing that's not the two." He laughed, "Well you got one of them. Usually it's the tenor and bass but obviously that was an unfair question of me to ask seeing as everyone is different." I was amazed. I had just admitted that I didn't know something not once but twice to someone that I was trying to make a good impression on. As my lesson ended and I walked back to my dorm I reflected on what had just happened. And all of a sudden it just hit me! It's
OK to not know everything! It's
OK to not understand something, to ask questions and to let somebody teach you something they know! The world has just put this expectation on us that we shouldn't do this! That accepting someone else knows more makes you look weak. That making a good impression means showing off your abilities or knowledge. This is not true in the slightest! And my organ teacher had just shown me this important lesson without even trying to! Boy was I grateful he did though. Not only is it a super important lesson to be learned but it made things tons more comfortable. It was a great feeling to know that I could be wrong and not know something and that it was ok! The whole reason we were put on this earth was to learn and grow. So duh! Of course we're not supposed to know everything. But somehow I had lost sight of that minor detail and it has caused way to much self criticism. Looking back I think about all the times I've let someone make me feel bad because I thought I wasn't as good as them just because I didn't know as much as them. It's so ridiculous to me. Why did I let them make me feel inferior? Why did I not just ask them more questions so that I could learn more? Then of course, as if by cue, I could hear the words my mother would be saying to me, in my head. "Nobody can make you feel inferior Brianna. Only you can." Or my favorite which seems to be interchangeable and apply to any situation, "Smart is as smart does." I had made myself feel like I had to be someone else to impress someone when in actuality, I'm just me!!! :) So just remember that folks! It's ok to not know something :) Just make sure you have a constant desire to learn more and to let not only other people but
God teach you! :)
"Only by recognizing the infancy of our knowledge will we ever be able to learn truths of the eternities." - Benjamin Devey
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